On Weight Loss

I've lost over 10 pounds since I started writing here regularly. In fact, at one point, my intention was to make this blog a place where I could document my weight loss journey (ugh...I hate that word, but it is what it is). Maybe you were already stopping by when I posted my weigh ins a few times. But I quickly discovered that I didn't actually have much to say, and if I slipped up, I would just go silent for a few days/weeks until I was back on track. That's obviously not the consistency I'm looking for in weight loss or blogging!

Besides, this little blog of mine is therapist-ordered, and I don't think she meant I should document my food and exercise.

My weight has yo-yo'ed throughout my adult life. In hindsight, I can link periods of weight loss to specific "deadlines" I'd set for myself. (Example: I lost over 25 pounds before a family vacation to Hawaii.) I can link periods of weight gain to times of distress - break ups, traumatic events, etc. - but I was not self-aware enough during those times to realize I was engaging in self-destructive behavior (eating too much, drinking too much, and avoiding exercise). 

I've worked really hard to become more self-aware over the last few years. I've spent a lot of time on intentional self-reflection, and I've done some work in therapy. I also think self-awareness is something that comes naturally with age. In regards to losing weight, I'm feeling particularly motivated this time around for several reasons: I'm panicked about being so close to 30, my ten year reunion is this fall, and I'm focused on my overall health rather than vanity alone.

I know just over ten pounds isn't that serious, but it's enough for me to reflect upon (and share) what's working for me:

1. Privacy. This journey of mine is a private one, and I'd like to keep it that way until I'm healthy again. I am ashamed that I've let myself get to this point. I have at least 40 pounds to lose. When I'm active and eating right, I'm prideful, but not arrogant or pretentious. But the fact that I've been proud of my healthy lifestyle in the past means that I'm embarrassed that I let myself slide for as long as I did. My parents and some select friends know that I'm actively trying to lose weight, but it is not something I broadcast on social media, or to my coworkers. I've sought out accountability elsewhere.
2. A structured program. (In my particular case: Weight Watchers online.) I have tried to lose weight using free tracking apps (MyFitnessPal), and by just being mindful of what I eat and not tracking at all. But I am a person who craves structure, so naturally, WW is helpful for me. I feel like my day is incomplete if I don't track everything, so I usually do. Also, I know I'm paying for it, which is some bonus accountability for my frugal self. Finally, on WW, fruit and vegetables are "free", which encourages me to eat more produce (definitely a necessary habit for a vegetarian like me!).
3. A secret Instagram account. (Yep, right after I told you that I don't broadcast this journey on social media, I'm admitting that I track my food and activity through IG photos. This account is public, but still anonymous. I still maintain a separate personal IG account so that I can continue to post photos of my dog.) There is a wonderful community of people on Instagram who are trying to lose weight. They are sharing recipes and ideas, admitting when they've fallen off the proverbial weight loss wagon, and encouraging one another. It's a beautiful thing. I've been posting my food and workouts on this account for less than three weeks, and I'm blown away by these strangers and their kindness.
4. A boring social life and lots of alone time. Seriously. This is unfortunately a winning combination for me. I have a hard time sticking to the plan in social settings. It doesn't help that most of my friends have terrible eating habits. So I eat at home a lot. And I limit my alcohol consumption to a few times a week. It sucks sometimes, but it's working.
5. Celebrating non-scale victories. It's easier to stay motivated if I'm acknowledging and celebrating changes that aren't necessarily reflected on the scale. For example, I used to always say that I don't like pie/cobbler/fruity desserts because "fruit and dessert just don't belong together". But now I'm eating (whole, nutritious, non-pie) fruit for dessert often, and it totally satisfies my sweet tooth. Other notable NSVs: clothes fitting looser, my face looking slimmer, craving healthy foods or time at the gym, etc.
6. Setting smaller goals. I know I need to lose 40-50 pounds total, but the thought of that can be overwhelming, so I try to focus on smaller goals. For instance, I hope to lose three more pounds in time for my vacation in early July. And I'm trying to work out at least three times each week.

So, there you have it. I probably won't blog about this often, but I'll be sure to share my progress again at some point. Hope this helps someone out there in blogland!