#fitspiration

#Fitspiration: I could use some this week! Here are my current thoughts:

1. I want to be skinny enough to feel comfortable in my own skin. On my weight loss IG account, I follow a lot of people who are, like me, trying to lose weight. So many of them, like me, are unsure of what their "ultimate goal weight" will be. Many of them say they'll stop when they feel healthy.
   
   It's been a long time since I've felt comfortable in my own body. I remember being at a college football game six years ago, wearing size eight (in juniors) shorts and a youth size large jersey, and I felt good. I still felt inadequate compared to some of the girls who were baring more skin, but I remember thinking my legs looked nice, and my shorts fit right, and I wasn't self-conscious about how many beers I was drinking because I was thin enough that other people wouldn't think twice about my calorie intake.
   
   Six years ago. I can't wait to feel that way again, and I'm positive that I'll be even more confident because I'm six years wiser, too.
2. I want to be obviously fit so that people won't question my strength or athletic ability.
   
   I've always been proud of the fact that I am able to run a few (slow) miles no matter my weight. I had an unfortunate conversation with a colleague recently that made me realize I just don't look fit. It went something like this:
   
   Me: Hey, I'm thinking about doing that bike ride to the Keys in November!
   Him: REALLY? (Insert shocked face here!!!) You know it's two days of straight riding, right?
   
   I'd like to never repeat that moment again.
3. (This one is downright cringeworthy!) I want to wear leggings as pants.
   
   Sometimes I picture myself twenty pounds lighter (okay, 30...) wearing those cute fitness leggings with bright, colorful patterns and prints - maybe the cosmos, or whatever. And I also picture myself wearing leggings with a sweater (one that covers my butt, of course) and cute boots in the winter.
   
   Yeah...Skinny Me is going to wear the hell out of some leggings.

How To Survive An Existential Crisis

I am experiencing what people in the first world commonly call an existential crisis. I am simply existing, living without meaning. Just going through the motions. And I'm disenchanted by it all - my job, my friends, my city, my future plans (or lack thereof)...

My all-time favorite blogger, Sarah at Yes and Yes, once wrote about the effectiveness of (literally) writing yourself a prescription for happiness. Her idea was based off of a 2009 study that showed that people are more likely to stick to a diet or exercise plan if their doctor actually pulls out a prescription pad and pen and writes out a detailed plan, rather than simply saying, You need to eat healthy and exercise. So she wrote herself a prescription for happiness, including action items like spending time outdoors and buying expensive out-of-season fruit every once in a while.

Anyway, Sarah reminded her readers of the original post this week, and, well, the timing was nothing short of magical for me.

I'll be celebrating (?) my 28th birthday on August 29th. I've been desperate for a pick-me-up. And now I have a plan!

Below I've outlined my own prescription for happiness, and I'll spend the month of August following through. First I wrote out the prescription itself, and then below each item, in bold, I filled in my specific plan. I may or may not blog about it as I go, but I am committed to recapping my experience at the end of the month, at a minimum.

1. Plan a vacation. Escape, literally. Even if it's just for a few days. And make it something relaxing, not busy. This is probably not the time to plan a ten-day, seven-city European excursion (but if that sounds great and you can afford it, go for it!).
   
   This plan is not 100% set in stone yet, but I believe I'm escaping to the Smoky Mountains, with my siblings and niece/nephew, to celebrate my birthday. Perfection.
2. Update my resume. At first I thought maybe this action item is just specific to me because I'm unhappy at work, but after some reflection, I've decided it's a good practice for anyone who hasn't touched their resume in years and is looking for a confidence boost.
   
   I will update my resume. Which means I'll mostly be adding things to it. Exciting!
3. Exercise daily. Because I really regret that workout, said no one ever. (Insert any cheesy line about exercise and endorphins here.) I know it will make me feel better in the short term and also reveal some long-term results.
   
   This one is a bit bold, but I'm an all-or-nothing kind of gal when it comes to working out. I will exercise Every. Single. Day. during the month of August.
4. Clean and purge. I don't know about you, but having lots of stuff makes me feel unorganized and chaotic. So let's clean our homes. And trash/recycle/give away stuff we don't need or use.
   
   This Saturday, folks. It's on.
5. Read a new book, or watch a new (to you) television series. Another means of escape, I guess. It just sounded like a fresh idea.
   
   Instead of watching New Girl or The Mindy Project from start to finish again, I'll investigate a new TV series. And read a few books.
6. Appreciate the little things. Sometimes I neglect the little things that make me happy because I'm too busy/lazy/whatever. Like ignoring a beautiful sunset because I'm watching sitcom reruns on Netflix. Or cooking dinner in silence instead of playing my favorite music or listening to NPR because I'm lazy. Or not buying a $3 Starbucks beverage that would cheer me up because I'm cheap.
   
   This month, I will watch the sun set. And I'll play music while I cook. And I'll buy the $3 latte, damnit.

What would be on your prescription for happiness?

Daydreaming...

 

(Asheville, North Carolina)

Summer reading list

I read more in the summer than I do throughout the rest of the year. I'm not sure what's up with that. Maybe it's just permanently instilled in me that fall and winter and spring are for school-mandated reading, and summer is for reading for pleasure.

Also, I recently discovered Goodreads, and I'm in love.

Anyway, here are a few books I've read recently:   

Who didn't read this in 2014? A tragic teenage love story. I thought it was good, but not great. It was an easy read - I read it on a three hour flight - but I wouldn't call it light. The themes were heavy, but it wasn't so moving (IMHO) that I cried the whole time. 3 out of 5 stars.

I enjoyed Attachments and I look forward to reading more of Rowell's novels. I din't exactly fly threw this one, but the main character was relatable to me (despite being a man) and I cried happy tears at the end. 4 out of 5 stars.

A Dog's Purpose is the best novel I've read in quite a while. (Pro tip: Must love dogs.) I was moved to tears multiple times, but it was such a sweet, hopeful story. I liked it more than The Art of Racing in the Rain (another good book written from a dog's point of view). 5 out of 5 stars!

Next, I'll read:

How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran
Everything is Perfect When You're a Liar by Kelly Oxford
Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt
another novel by Rainbow Rowell (Fangirl? Eleanor & Park?)

What are you reading this summer? (Respond in the comments!)

Crossed an item off my bucket list...

"Wanna pack your bags, something small

 Take what you need and we disappear

 Without a trace we'll be gone, gone

 The moon and the stars can follow the car

 And then when we get to the ocean

 We're gonna take a boat to the end of the world

 All the way to the end of the world"

-DMB

A list of all the people I hate today

I'm in a pretty foul mood today. I'll spare you an entire rant, but I did come here to make a list of all the people I hate today:

• People who abuse the "Reply All" option
• People who struggle with brevity
• People who don't respond to my emails, particularly when I've posed a question and am expecting an answer
• Naturally skinny people, especially naturally skinny people who pretend like they have to work really hard to stay fit
• Friends who seemingly text everyone else all the time, but are often short with me
• People who constantly comment on the fact that I'm single, especially those who are in seemingly shitty/inconsistent relationships

The end.

On Weight Loss

I've lost over 10 pounds since I started writing here regularly. In fact, at one point, my intention was to make this blog a place where I could document my weight loss journey (ugh...I hate that word, but it is what it is). Maybe you were already stopping by when I posted my weigh ins a few times. But I quickly discovered that I didn't actually have much to say, and if I slipped up, I would just go silent for a few days/weeks until I was back on track. That's obviously not the consistency I'm looking for in weight loss or blogging!

Besides, this little blog of mine is therapist-ordered, and I don't think she meant I should document my food and exercise.

My weight has yo-yo'ed throughout my adult life. In hindsight, I can link periods of weight loss to specific "deadlines" I'd set for myself. (Example: I lost over 25 pounds before a family vacation to Hawaii.) I can link periods of weight gain to times of distress - break ups, traumatic events, etc. - but I was not self-aware enough during those times to realize I was engaging in self-destructive behavior (eating too much, drinking too much, and avoiding exercise). 

I've worked really hard to become more self-aware over the last few years. I've spent a lot of time on intentional self-reflection, and I've done some work in therapy. I also think self-awareness is something that comes naturally with age. In regards to losing weight, I'm feeling particularly motivated this time around for several reasons: I'm panicked about being so close to 30, my ten year reunion is this fall, and I'm focused on my overall health rather than vanity alone.

I know just over ten pounds isn't that serious, but it's enough for me to reflect upon (and share) what's working for me:

1. Privacy. This journey of mine is a private one, and I'd like to keep it that way until I'm healthy again. I am ashamed that I've let myself get to this point. I have at least 40 pounds to lose. When I'm active and eating right, I'm prideful, but not arrogant or pretentious. But the fact that I've been proud of my healthy lifestyle in the past means that I'm embarrassed that I let myself slide for as long as I did. My parents and some select friends know that I'm actively trying to lose weight, but it is not something I broadcast on social media, or to my coworkers. I've sought out accountability elsewhere.
2. A structured program. (In my particular case: Weight Watchers online.) I have tried to lose weight using free tracking apps (MyFitnessPal), and by just being mindful of what I eat and not tracking at all. But I am a person who craves structure, so naturally, WW is helpful for me. I feel like my day is incomplete if I don't track everything, so I usually do. Also, I know I'm paying for it, which is some bonus accountability for my frugal self. Finally, on WW, fruit and vegetables are "free", which encourages me to eat more produce (definitely a necessary habit for a vegetarian like me!).
3. A secret Instagram account. (Yep, right after I told you that I don't broadcast this journey on social media, I'm admitting that I track my food and activity through IG photos. This account is public, but still anonymous. I still maintain a separate personal IG account so that I can continue to post photos of my dog.) There is a wonderful community of people on Instagram who are trying to lose weight. They are sharing recipes and ideas, admitting when they've fallen off the proverbial weight loss wagon, and encouraging one another. It's a beautiful thing. I've been posting my food and workouts on this account for less than three weeks, and I'm blown away by these strangers and their kindness.
4. A boring social life and lots of alone time. Seriously. This is unfortunately a winning combination for me. I have a hard time sticking to the plan in social settings. It doesn't help that most of my friends have terrible eating habits. So I eat at home a lot. And I limit my alcohol consumption to a few times a week. It sucks sometimes, but it's working.
5. Celebrating non-scale victories. It's easier to stay motivated if I'm acknowledging and celebrating changes that aren't necessarily reflected on the scale. For example, I used to always say that I don't like pie/cobbler/fruity desserts because "fruit and dessert just don't belong together". But now I'm eating (whole, nutritious, non-pie) fruit for dessert often, and it totally satisfies my sweet tooth. Other notable NSVs: clothes fitting looser, my face looking slimmer, craving healthy foods or time at the gym, etc.
6. Setting smaller goals. I know I need to lose 40-50 pounds total, but the thought of that can be overwhelming, so I try to focus on smaller goals. For instance, I hope to lose three more pounds in time for my vacation in early July. And I'm trying to work out at least three times each week.

So, there you have it. I probably won't blog about this often, but I'll be sure to share my progress again at some point. Hope this helps someone out there in blogland!